Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Mirna and Charla

Generally I'm not into reality shows, though have been watching Survivor. This season, as it's on a Sunday, I decided to watch The Amazing Race and I'm really really glad I made the decision.

A number of teams race around the globe and every week--unless it's not an elimination week--one of the teams (all comprised of two people) gets sent home.

One of the teams racing are two first cousins called Charla and Mirna. They are hysterical. I have NEVER laughed as hard as I did last Sunday.

Both women are 27 years old, live in Maryland, were born in Syria and grew up together in Armenia before coming to the US, and they love one another but usually bicker. Oh, and Charla is a 'little person' and quite rightly states that she sees no limitation in 'being a midget.' As the manager of six sports stores back in Maryland, I'd say she's right.

Mirna is a lawyer, drama queen, and a type A personality who is hopeless at driving a car or navigating when they're required to do so, often blaming her incompetence on her cousin's inability to read maps (Charla, do something...anything. You must contribute. It can't all be me) when she can't even find the handbrake in a parked car. Her search for it was priceless. In the end, Carla had to summon a taxi-driver to show her cousin where the handbrake was in a leg of the race requiring them to drive it to a forest on the outskirts of Warsaw as part of one leg. Poor Charla was bouncing back and forth in the back seat screaming "Can you blame me a little bit more, Mirna? Come on, blame me some more" while feeling very queasy at the same time because they'd had to eat two feet of Kilbasa sausage at a restaurant in order to move onto the next leg of the competition. Charla's little tummy was unable to cope--Mirna kept practically force-feeding her cousin the sausage and ordering her to eat faster--and they finished in last place, much to Mirna's annoyance

Poland and the Poles were not kind to them. Everyone they asked for directions on the city streets would not answer their beseeching questions (Mirna was actually screaming at them in the end she was so upset) and gave them wide berth until Mirna articulated, "Maybe they don't know to handle little people, Charla? Do they not have little people in Poland?"

On the last leg of Sunday's portion of the race, Mirna and Charla arrived at the forest to discover one of them had to don a suit of armor (all teams had to) and lead a huge black stallion 1000 feet to the entrance of a castle. Once completed, they could run into the castle and find the umpire who would tell them if they were to be eliminated.

Loud-mouthed Mirna announced she was terrified of horses so Charla suited up in the armor and it was hysterical seeing a dwarf (she was also afraid) lead this huge black steed toward the castle gate. Unfortunately, Charla kept being tugged by the horse toward the hedge every time it wanted to eat something. She kept tugging back while saying, "Nice horsey. Come along, nice horsey." At one point she even offered the horse a bribe--yes, you got it...a piece of Kielbasa.

Unable to control the animal because of her size and the armor, at various points along the walk, she and the horse literally walked round and round on the pathway in bizarre circles while Mirna screamed, "Do something, Charla. Another team is coming. Look over your shoulder, they are coming." She made it sound as if it was the Angel of Doom coming. Mirna's hands flew back and forth from her face like an Arab woman weeping and shrieking and she tore at her long blonde hair as she screamed, "Do something. They are coming. Walk fast. No, run, Charla. We will be eliminated. Eliminated, Charla Pull the horse hard, Charla."
At two points on the stroll, the horse jerked its head and poor Charla was lifted off the ground and fell prostrate on the path. Even as she lay dazed and confined by the armor, Mirna screamed, "What are you doing, Charla? Get up. They are coming. Look. Look. They are coming. We will be eliminated. Do you want us to be sent home, Charla? get up right now."

In the end they finished second from last and are in the race for another leg. Can't wait for the next installment.

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